This story was written in the spring of 2022.
explained
Interested in learning more about the design of this story?
Do you want to understand the ending of the story?
Would you like to get to know the different characters better?
Read The Argument first and then discover more here.
Alytes
Mr. Chairman, the severity of the crisis is evident from this headline in the Proper Paper:
‘20.000’
Alytes puts down the newspaper. She winds up again at the sight of the article. Her constituents have also reacted emotionally; the loss is clearly felt. Alytes wants to convey the emotion in the debate so the Prime Minister knows how serious this matter is. She takes a deep breath and continues her speech.
Alytes
A gigantic disaster has taken place under the watch of this Prime Minister. These numbers are unprecedented. I would like to hear from the prime minister, in plain language, how this could have happened.
Prime Minister Marsh rises from her seat in the cabinet box. It’s the first time she speaks during the debate. The room is dead silent. The audience watches tensely, but the Prime Minister appears calm.
Marsh
I remember this headline well. It appeared exactly three hours after we heard the first rumors. However, experts soon indicated that this number was far too high. The disaster is not as great as MP Alytes now outlines.
Alytes responds immediately.
Alytes
You are running away from the truth. We are talking about over 20,000 escapees! Such numbers have never happened before. Not here, not anywhere. In my opinion, you are quite out of your mind.
We don’t have faith in your leadership anymore.
Premier Marsh smiles and pushes her square reading glasses back on her nose.
Marsh
Ah, you lose faith in me every week! For the record, Mr. Chairman, we are by no means taking this matter lightly. The numbers are serious, but we are probably talking about several hundreds. Expert analyses are currently being carried out, my statement will be confirmed.
You keep focusing on the 20,000. This was a wrong initial assessment.
It’s noisy in the public gallery. The last spectators arriving confirm the dramatic news: throughout the entire building the coffee machines only produce latte macchiatos. In the sweltering hall, the smell of warm milk and sweat intoxicates spectators and politicians alike. Still, people do not want to miss anything from the debate, now that Prime Minister Marsh is in such a difficult situation.
Alytes, sharp as ever, continues the debate.
Alytes
I find it unbelievable how Prime Minister Marsh ridicules these facts. The Proper Paper has the most readers of any newspaper in our country. Everyone has seen that there are 20,000 escapees. The Prime Minister hides behind piles of reports but ends up doing absolutely nothing.
Prime Minister Marsh leans casually on the pulpit. Yet she looks serious, possibly a tad concerned.
Marsh
Ms. Alytes continues to stick to the first number she heard. This totally misrepresents the incident. I would advise you to consider more than one source in your judgment.
Suddenly a half-empty coffee cup flies through the House. The Prime Minister appears to be the target, but Alytes is the victim. With a disappointed look, the thrower is immediately taken away by security. Alytes looks startled at the white-brown pile on her chair, but quickly regains her composure.
Alytes
You see, Madam Prime Minister? People are furious. Everyone sees that your story makes no sense. Any decent politician with 20,000 cases on his or her conscience would have taken action long ago.
We are totally done with you.
Prime Minister Marsh stands relaxed behind the pulpit.
Marsh
I stand here in good faith. I take responsibility for this incident, but do not go along with your grand statements.
I tell you, with my hand on my heart: by no means did 20,000 frogs and toads escape.
Chapter 2
Tree drives a packed file cart forward. With his stocky stature, he barely gets the meter-high paper stack moving, but he doesn't give up. After a few minutes of pushing and pulling, he reaches the front of the room. The audience applauds. Tree jumps onto a colleague's chair and grabs the top sheet of the stack.
Tree
The crisis we are facing now, of course, we have been expecting this. First Assen. Then Coevorden. Culemborg. IJsselstein. Delft. Edam. Naarden. Terneuzen. Almelo. And now Landgraaf. In all these places, animals have also escaped in recent years.
My question to the Prime Minister is: why didn't you learn from the previous cases?
Tree looks piercingly at the cabinet box. Alytes' harsh tone is not his style, but he also does not want the Prime Minister to get away with yet another blunder. It is obvious that this escape could have been prevented.
Prime Minister Marsh casually glances at the single piece of paper with notes in front of her.
Marsh
Mr. Chairman, the current incident could not be anticipated. We are dealing with a unique set of events. Through a combination of accidents, misjudgments and extreme weather, the frogs and toads were able to escape.
Tree sighs.
Tree
Do you know what I find so disappointing? We have the power, here in the House of Representatives, to create policies based on the mistakes we made. Our party has tried to do this on several occasions after the previous escapes. Your party, Madam Prime Minister, has blocked every attempt to move forward. And now such an escape has happened again.
Prime Minister Marsh looks surprised at the politician.
Marsh
But Mr. Tree, you never warned about this type of incident. How did you see this coming?
The journalists attending frantically whisper to each other. A clumsy question from the prime minister, you hear them say. This is the moment for Tree to show his A-game. Will this already be the decisive moment in the debate?
Flipping through his stack of papers, Tree continues his story.
Tree
After Coevorden, we proposed to seal the residences better. After Edam, we wanted stricter competence checks. And Terneuzen showed that we needed to tackle overdue maintenance. Our package of measures was ready, but you didn’t want to implement it.
Premier Marsh becomes impatient.
Marsh
These proposals could all have helped in the previous cases, but certainly not in this one. The frogs and toads escaped through the biggest storm in a decade, which completely flooded the enclosure. When pumping the water away, caretakers, probably in a hurry, didn't close the terrarium properly.
On top of that, two of the caretakers were slightly injured by an earlier tumble into the water. The animals saw their chance and rushed out. Terrible, but unpreventable. It is true that there was also overdue maintenance here, but that was causing this escape."
The audience sees bewildered MP's. Two MP's run to the front to speak, knocking over Tree's file cart in the process. Tree looks puzzled at the paper mess, but still manages to be the first to react.
Tree
Am I hearing this correctly? Is the Prime Minister saying that she knew there was overdue maintenance?
The chaos intensifies. Journalists wonder out loud if this new information will mean the end for the Prime Minister. A number of MPs debate furiously who can interrupt next. The audience leans over the balustrade to take it all in. The Chairman's hammer has already hit the woodwork several times, but to no effect. Finally, the Chairman decides to deploy his microphone.
Voorzitter Spring
I suspend this debate for half an hour.
Chapter 3
Natterjack's party members sit closely together in their tiny room. Natterjack paces back and forth at his usual military pace. His long legs search for an optimal route past the various party members. When he bumps into someone, he ignores their complaining.
Natterjack looks at his most trusted advisers.
Natterjack
Unbelievable. How could she have withheld this information? I'm sure we talked about the Landgraaf escape in our weekly coalition meeting. It is really unacceptable that she did not share that there was overdue maintenance.
The political assistant finds the agenda of the coalition meeting in question.
de fractieassistent
There's nothing here that says you talked about the escape.
Natterjack responds briskly.
Natterjack
Yes, that makes sense. It wasn't a formal agenda item. Just grab the minutes, it will be in there.
In Natterjack's mind, all sorts of images of the past few years fly by. The coalition began troubled and with many incidents. Bringing in the underwater field hockey world championships was a turning point. It was now time to move on. In the coming months, the successes that the entire party had so much hoped for could be achieved.
Meanwhile, in the back of the room, the political assistant found the minutes.
de fractieassistent
I can't find anything about the escape in the minutes either.
Natterjack
Yes, thanks for looking it up, but I was there myself, right? I remember it perfectly. All those questions from the press afterwards were also very tiring.
The political assistant now looks directly at Natterjack.
de fractieassistent
Could it be that you did not discuss it during the meeting, but that the journalists asked about it afterwards? The interaction with the press may have confused you.
Natterjack ignores the comment. He looks at his most loyal advisers.
Natterjack
What do you guys think? How seriously should we take this lie?
The Secretary of State for National Holidays responds.
de staatssecretaris
It has reached our limits now. It has happened before that she withheld information. At some point, no matter how much we can accomplish in this coalition, we can't tell our story properly anymore.
The spokeswoman for Cycling Affairs also looks at Natterjack in despair.
de woordvoerster
The press will certainly fuel the fire even further. Our credibility is now at stake.
The party chairman is present through an online connection, but cannot be seen properly.
de partijvoorzitter
Perhaps the Prime Minister sincerely thought it was an unimportant detail and that's why you did not talk about it. Escaped frogs and toads, don't we have anything better to discuss in this country?
The room is buzzing. Not only from the central bell, the sign that the debate is about to reconvene, but also from the phones present. The party members forget about the discussion and look at their illuminated screens. Natterjack stops pacing and leans against the wall. After reading the news, he closes his eyes and releases a deep sigh. Less decisively than before, he walks back toward the House.
Chapter 4
Garlic just recited the news article out loud. The other MPs listened in silence. Although he is no longer as mobile as he was on his first day in the House fifty-three years ago, Garlic feels just as vivid as back then. His colleagues affectionately call him the Razor of Eemnes, a reference to his sharp analyses, vanished hair and lifelong hometown. Leaning on his cane, Garlic summarizes the news.
Garlic
A state of emergency has just been declared in our neighboring country. In a remote zoo, a genetically modified gorilla has escaped. Everyone has to stay home and the army is trying to catch the gorilla.
Our Prime Minister is downplaying the escape of frogs and toads today. We must take action now or we will have a state of emergency tomorrow as well.
Calmly, Prime Minister Marsh takes the floor.
Marsh
Mr. Chairman, this is shocking news. Our neighbors don't declare a state of emergency without a good reason. A government only does that to protect its citizens from severe danger. However, a state of emergency is absolutely irrelevant for us now.
Garlic reacts astonished.
Garlic
We have all just read alarming news. It seems clear to me that we are in grave danger. If we do not put an end to the numerous escapes in our country now, we will soon find ourselves trapped at home for an entire year. We must -
Premier Marsh interrupts Garlic, who wobbles in surprise.
Marsh
I want to respond to this. We should not take action based on one recent incident. These new developments with our neighbors do not increase the likelihood of a similar disaster here.
Several MP's exchange concerned looks. Not because of the remarks from Prime Minister Marsh, but due to Garlic's wobbling. With some difficulty, he regains his balance. When Garlic's voice is heard clearly again, the MPs lean back in their chairs, somewhat reassured.
Garlic
If I understand it correctly, you are planning to do nothing at all? I've been through a lot in my life, but fortunately no national emergency yet. I want to prevent that from happening at all costs. If it can happen to our neighbors, we are also at risk here. I ask for immediate action from the Prime minister.
Prime Minister Marsh shakes her head.
Marsh
We are talking here about a tragic escape of frogs and toads. There is no threat from genetically modified gorillas. They are safely locked up. Our neighbors are now experiencing a situation that has never occurred anywhere before. I do not think it is wise to adjust all our policies for this single case.
Garlic points his stick at the Prime Minister.
Garlic
You have no sense of reality. If we do nothing today, we will have as big a crisis as our neighbors tomorrow.
We are submitting a resolution of no confidence against the Prime Minister.
With these last words, Garlic swings his cane through the air. In doing so, he loses his balance and finds the carpet rapidly approaching. A loud bang and fifty-three years of being a member of the House comes to an end.
Not yet. Garlic feels Prime Minister Marsh’s arms, who had rushed forward, under his shoulder blades and provide counterweight. Other MPs also rush forward, but the emergency services are quicker. Without saying a word, Marsh hands Garlic over to them. Carefully, he scrambles back up and stumbles slowly, with support, out of the room.
The debate and resolution of no confidence seem completely forgotten, but the Chairman brings everyone back to reality.
Voorzitter Spring
All right, we're going to vote on the no-confidence resolution. I'll give everyone a moment to withdraw and deliberate.
Chapter 5
Marsh
Well, this will be fine, right?
The election posters with "Marsh-ing Forward", the credo of the past election campaign, still hang on the wall. The Prime Minister's smooth approach has ensured much popularity in recent years. She is facing a crisis now, but still seems to feel little pressure. Unlike Marsh, the other attendees in the Premier Special Deluxe Lounge seem less upbeat.
Prime Minister Marsh's biggest confidant takes the floor.
de vertrouweling
Shouldn't you have given in more, Marsh? You have countered all the opposition's arguments. This debate is also about tone and emotion. We gained little sympathy in the House today. Garlic's accident doesn't make it any better either.
The Prime Minister seems unimpressed and sinks further into her comfortable, purple-gold couch, the showpiece of the Lounge.
Marsh
Everything I said is true, right? I don't see the problem. It's all about content, not the biases everyone has. I just stated the truth.”
de vertrouweling
I don't know if Natterjack is happy with how this debate is proceeding. It is very uncertain what he will do next.
Marsh
Natterjack is totally in love with our coalition. We have a fantastic partnership. It will also survive this incident, surely."
de vertrouweling
I'll give Natterjack a call to find out what he's going to vote for.
Marsh confidant has not yet spoken the words or is already walking to a quieter spot in the Lounge, calling.
The Minister of Long-Term Investments also makes a statement.
de minister
I don't know if the MPs will forgive that mistake about the overdue maintenance. You can see them thinking: if there is smoke, there is fire. It's really not helpful that we knew about the overdue maintenance but didn't act.
The Prime Minister looks at the Minister.
Marsh
Ah, that's not relevant at all. Surely everyone can see that? We really couldn't have prevented this disaster with a weekend of being handymen there.
The Young Secretary of State for Artificial Intelligence speaks.
de staatssecretaris
I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. Of course, we've had criticism of our policies before, but that's normal. Today, though, the House was exceptionally harsh, as if it had reached a limit.
Marsh
Yes, that's the game, isn't it? You know Garlic and Alytes have to do this for their constituents. And did you see which arguments they provided? The numbers don't add up, they make up all kinds of patterns and misinterpret recent examples: it doesn't make sense at all. Don't be so gloomy, we're going to survive this. Tomorrow we can get right back to work on your anti-robot law!
Marsh's confidant rushes in.
de vertrouweling
We have been in contact. Natterjack will not support the resolution. We now have a certain majority against it.
The smile on the Prime Minister's face widens. She walks over to the music system and turns it on. A moment later, the party anthem reverberates through the Lounge, and even the most somber attendees are now singing along loudly.
We are the champions
No time for losers
‘Cause we are the champions of the world.
Just as the song ends for the third time, the bell sounds. The Prime Minister jumps up and makes her way to the House almost hopping.
Marsh
Can I get someone another latte?
Chapter 6
Piles of colored paper lie on a large table. Chairman Agile looks at his team with satisfaction.
Agile
All we have to do now is count everything and then this debate will be over. Despite the commotion, things went great today.
The vote of no-confidence has just taken place. The usual electronic voting machines didn't work, necessitating the use of paper ballots.
Agile was proud of his voting system, specifically designed for these situations. Some colleagues thought it was too complex, but he had explained that it worked perfectly as long as you knew exactly how it should be handled. Today his system was used for the first time. An exciting test, but Agile is completely confident in his own abilities: this system is brilliant!
The chairman's assistant looks cautiously at Agile.
de assistent
Shouldn't we ask MPs to count the votes? We just completely forgot about this but I think the regulations say that this is required.
Agile
No, I can do that, it will be fine. Let me grab the manual we wrote. Remember how exhausted the House reacted when they saw this?
While laughing, Agile grabs the half-meter-long manual from the shelf.
Agile
4983 pages! We have described every type of voting procedure. Let's see, on which page was this voting procedure mentioned again?
Agile turns chunks of pages, looking for the right article. His assistants sit dead silent at the table, no one daring to say anything. After Agile searches furiously for a few minutes, one assistant dares to speak up.
de assistent
Shouldn't we just read if it says for or against on the sheets?
The comment does not reach Agile.
Agile
Now, do we have to put the yellow bills in the blue envelopes? Or do they need a purple stamp, and then transfer them to the pink bucket?
These questions are meant for everyone one the team, but it remains quiet at the table. Agile's assistants exchange uncertain looks to see who will respond first.
Red-faced, the assistant tries to help.
de assistent
Wasn't it page 14, section 1f?
Agile gets impatient.
Agile
Hey, I feel claustrophobic, I need some space. Let me count the votes. You guys can do something else in the meantime. I have everything under control here.
Cautiously, the staff leaves the room. Agile mumbles some more in the empty space. Finally, he finds what he was looking for.
Agile
Ah, it was page 14! Someone could just have told me this. All right, all the yellow bills in the blue baskets are votes for. The green ones in the red baskets against. That's not so complicated.
When Agile looks at the table, he is a little surprised. There are indeed yellow bills in a blue basket and green bills in a red basket, but also purple bills in an orange basket, black bills in a white basket and brown bills in a gray basket.
As Agile speaks aloud, his voice echoes through the room.
Agile
Hmm, that's a little strange. Not all of these bills should have been used today. Let's see, what shall we do with them now?
Without saying anything further, he places the purple and black bills with the green bills in the red basket and the black and brown bills with the yellow ones in the blue basket. Without opening bills, he begins to count them. Careful as Agile is, he counts everything three times.
When the assistant comes back to check in, Agile is just tidying everything up. Triumphantly, he grabs the result sheet and the Chairman's stamp to officially certify the result. With a firm push, the Prime Minister's fate is sealed.
Chapter 7
Edible
We all had to work very hard to get the truth out. Without the tireless efforts of my colleagues in the House, we could not have accomplished this. Ms. Marsh was clearly failing as Prime Minister and we were able to demonstrate that again today.
Edible sits at the table in a tight suit. The talk show host looks at his show cards. The studio is packed. People can't get enough of this debate.
de talkshowhost
Do you think what happened in the House today is proportional? Is the escape of several hundred frogs and toads a good reason to send a Prime Minister away? Or was this just a great opportunity to make your long-awaited wish, the resignation of Prime Minister Marsh, come true?
Edible
As colleague Alytes pointed out, it could also be about tens of thousands of animals. Former Prime Minister Marsh did not inform us about the overdue maintenance. The state of emergency in our neighboring country shows that we are lucky right now. We did the right thing: prevented a crisis by sending away an incompetent leader.
The local celebrity from Roelofarendsveen also mingles in the conversation.
de lokale BN’er
I like you! You took Marsh to task today, brilliant. Will you be our new Prime Minister now? You definitely have my vote!
Edible laughs.
Edible
It would be a great honor to become Prime Minister of this wonderful country. It is important, though, that trust and peace return first after this mess. Afterwards, we'll see who can be in charge to solve new challenges.
de lokale BN’er
Well, for me it is clear that it should be you!
The local celebrity smiles broadly. Edible joins in, but has to open a button quickly to be able to breathe properly.
The talk show host tries to set a more serious tone.
de talkshowhost
Declaring a state of emergency, wasn't that an overreaction from our neighbors? A genetically modified gorilla has never actually hurt anyone.
Edible shifts back and forth a bit uncomfortably.
Edible
You know, if one of these gorillas runs off, I will stay home and so will my children. I am glad that the president of our neighbors is showing real leadership. Here, they simply patronize the representatives and tell us that we don't understand anything.
The talk show host grabs the next show card.
de talkshowhost
There are rumors that mistakes were made with the vote count. Marsh and Natterjack were extremely surprised after the results and demanded a new vote. Natterjack claims to have voted against, but that is impossible with these results.
Chairman Agile is from your party, how do you see this?
Edible gets irritated.
Edible
Well, apparently not everyone can handle the truth well. A vote is a vote, that's how we do it in a democracy. Chairman Agile is and always has been the most skillful chairman in this country.
The talk show host seems unimpressed. At home, a vegetable garden patiently awaits his industrious hands. The cool earth, the silence, the freedom: it's all he thinks about now. Enough talk. He swiftly addresses the viewer one more time.
de talkshowhost
I would like to sincerely thank my guests for coming and wish you a good night at home. Please allow me to close today's show with the following words: have faith in your own judgment, but beware of tunnel vision.
Immediately after the TV cameras turn off, Edible angrily addresses the talk show host.
Edible
What's up with this last sentence? You are supposed to be objective, but you clearly don't like me. Your biased attitude towards me is not fair.
The talk show host looks at Edible with pity. For a moment he seems to want to say something, but he decides to remain silent. Edible, angry, only sees him quietly leaving the studio.
Chapter 8
Moor
No, Mr. Tree, we could not have prevented this. We had to deal with the consequences of years of mismanagement. It is impossible to resolve all of that right away.
Moor looks irritated at her colleague. A disaster like this was inevitable. How can anyone claim something so trivial? The new coalition has only been in place for six months. Together with Prime Minister Edible, it has already accomplished all sorts of things, anyone can see that. Moor has even become special Minister of Zoos to show that the new cabinet is prioritizing escapes.
Natterjack marches to the interruption microphone.
Natterjack
Why didn't you inform the House earlier? This new escape in Gorinchem is a disaster with national implications. It is incredible that we have not been able to discuss this directly in this House.
Moor
We did inform you. Exactly two weeks ago, Mr. Natterjack.
Moor sighs. She looks at the packed galleries and all the MPs present. It is her first time as minister in such a debate, but she recognizes all too well the intoxicating atmosphere in the House.
Alytes comes to the floor.
Alytes
It is unbelievable that 60,000 ladybugs escaped under your watch. I have lost confidence in you. When will you step down?
Moor shakes her head.
Moor
There are definitely not that many escapees, Ms. Alytes. And I have no intention of resigning. As I said, we have inherited the ills of the previous administration. At other zoos we have already achieved tremendous successes, but here, unfortunately, we couldn't do anything to prevent it.
After this crossfire, the House suddenly turns quiet. All attention is focused on Garlic. He slowly slides forward, supported by a brand new cane. For the first time since his accident, he is back in the House. As soon as he opens his mouth, there is complete silence.
Garlic
Mr. Chairman, I am grateful to, once again, participate in public debate with all of you. The many messages of support I have received during my recovery have meant a lot to me during this difficult time.
Less than a year ago, we had a similar debate. Some of us have swapped places in this House, but we still have the same biases. I failed to recognize mine at the time. In this, I was not alone.
I hope that history will not repeat itself today. My suggestion is to end this debate immediately. Let us reflect and resume this debate next week if we still find it relevant then.
The MP's shift back and forth in their seats somewhat uncomfortably. It is an unusual proposal by Garlic, but no one dares to interrupt him after his accident. The lack of interruptions also surprises Chairman Agile. After a brief pause, he asks the representatives to respond.
Voorzitter Spring
Does anyone object to Mr. Garlic's proposal?
Without really waiting for a response, Agile takes the floor again right away.
Voorzitter Spring
No? I hereby end the debate
The journalists rush from the gallery to the press room just outside the House. When Marsh walks out first, one journalist is ready to address her.
de journalist
Ms. Marsh, this is a unique moment in political history. Do you think Garlic's new approach will work?
Marsh responds excitedly.
Marsh
I’m awestruck by this proposal. I completely share Garlic's analysis. The way the House of Representatives works really needs to change. That way we can focus on issues that really matter.
This is totally going to work out now, right?
The End
explained
Interested in learning more about the design of this story?
Do you want to understand the ending of the story?
Would you like to get to know the different characters better?
Discover more here.
